Re: [gnso-consensus-wg] First Draft Consensus Group Report - Responses Please By 1900PDT-300UTC

[Alan Greenberg <alan.greenberg@xxxxxxxxx>]

Rob and all,

Following are a number of editorial comments on the document. 
Substantive comments and the ALAC statement will follow.
- At the moment, the snapshot says that the Board will decide on the 
number of councillor per SG, and that this issue was not contentious 
(ie not in red). If that is correct, the last paragraph of your 
summary should note that we explicitly left certain issues to the 
Board to decide.
The rest of the comments refer to the Snapshot.

- In 2.a.ii, I suggest the following wording to replace the red. I am 
deliberately not mentioning the name of the house, as perhaps we will 
come up with a more elegant one the USER/NCP, and the name is not 
really the issue here.
"The composition of this house includes all interested parties 
(subject to section 6) that use or provide services for the Internet, 
with the obvious exclusion of the contracted parties referenced in 
2.a.i. and should explicitly not be restricted to domain registrants 
as recommended by the BGC. This is in line with the current ICANN By-Laws."
- In 2.a.ii, it should really make clear that this person is 
non-voting in any house-based vote (which currently is all of them). 
The term non-voting can then be removed from 3.a since it is redundant.
- There is no 2.b, so all items under it can be promoted up one level.

- In 3.a, it is unclear what pool the chair comes from. If it a 
person to be elected from among sitting Council members, it should say so.
- In the various subsection of 4, the parenthetical giving current 
status is sometimes after the title and before the proposal, and 
sometimes at the end. The order should be consistent.
- In section 5, there is no subsection b, so "a" can be deleted; the 
title "Board Elections" in the large paragraph is redundant; the left 
margin for the paragraph should be moved in; and at the end, "user" 
should be replaced with "user/NCP".
Alan