Re: [gnso-thickwhoispdp-wg] For your review - Draft Initial Report

["Mike O'Connor" <mike@xxxxxxxxxx>]

hi all.

first, huge thanks to Marika and the rest of the team for pulling this draft 
together.  

second, you'll be wanting to take a hard look at Section 5 -- which is where 
all the subteam drafts have been aggregated.  i went into Ruthless Editing mode 
with two goals -- smooth out the "feel" of the document, and clarify/amplify 
what we are saying.  i also changed the passive bits ("some people felt" to 
"the WG finds/observes/etc").  we left that section in red-line format so you 
can see what i did.  surely somewhere in all that i've made some mistakes, so 
let's hammer out the big problems on the call this week.

i'd encourage you to focus on BIG problems this week and once those are fixed 
we can come back and tidy up the minor things that bother you in the subsequent 
draft.

two sections to focus in on -- "Privacy and Data Protection" and 
"Synchronization/Migration."  i left Alan's version of the the Conclusion 
section of Privacy/Data intact, but i made a substantive change to Marika's 
proposed alternate version by chopping our conclusion into two pieces.  i ran 
into all kinds of trouble as i started to edit Synch/Migration and finally just 
applied a lot of power to the throttle to get myself out of the ditch.  i may 
have broken something along the way.

thanks all -- all the good ideas are yours, all the bad ones are mine.

mikey


On May 17, 2013, at 8:14 AM, Marika Konings <marika.konings@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:

> Dear All,
> 
> Please find attached for your review a first draft of the Initial Report. 
> Please note that in chapter 5 - 'Deliberations of the Working Group' 
> additional edits have been proposed (in redline) by Mikey to some of the 
> sections that have been reviewed by the WG previously. Some of these are 
> minor edits, but there also some areas where more substantial edits or new 
> content has been added (for example, Synchronization / Migration and Cost 
> implications). We'll review these in closer detail at the next meeting. In 
> the meantime, please feel free to send your comments / suggested edits to the 
> mailing list. To facilitate your review, we have added line numbers, so 
> please quote those when you send your comments or alternatively use the track 
> changes function in the attached document.
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> Best regards,
> 
> Marika 
> <Thick Whois - Initial Report - 17 May 2013.doc>


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