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RE: [gnso.secretariat@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx: ICANN Draft]; Editorial comments; Sections 3 - END

  • To: <translation-programme@xxxxxxxxx>
  • Subject: RE: [gnso.secretariat@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx: ICANN Draft]; Editorial comments; Sections 3 - END
  • From: CE Whitehead <cewcathar@xxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Thu, 6 Mar 2008 14:02:20 -0500

Hi, again if you are accepting editorial comments, here are a few more 
corrections in the draft (English version):
section 3 - (to the end). {Sorry that my last set of corrections (for sections 
1-2) came out so unreadable (I can redo the comments on those sections if you 
like!!!  Please let me know; also if you need the whole sentence corrected in 
each case, I still need a text file;
* * *
Je peux refaire mon commentaire redactionnel sur les premieres deux sections, 
si vous en avez besoin . . . 
Si vous preferez que je cite la phrase entiere quand je corrige un truc 
grammatical ou stylistique qui s'y trouve, il faut m'envoyer le document en 
tant que texte, car je n'ai pas le temps en-ligne pour re-taper toute phrase, 
dans son entierete, que je corrige.  Merci. } 
 * * *
Thanks, --C. E. Whitehead
cewcathar@xxxxxxxxxxx   MORE Editorial/Grammar/Style--English Version Only/Plus 
de Commentaire redactionnelSECTION 3.  DefinitionsP. 9, 3rd bullet, "Subtitling 
is the conversion of subtitles embedded in online video content from a source 
language in a target language"
"from a source language into a target language"
{COMMENT:  you do not convert something in something else; you convert it into 
something else.  Think you left off the "to" here. REMARQUES: On a omis le mot 
* * *
SECTION 4.4  Multilingual ICANN.org Website
P. 14, 1rst part of page, 4th bullet, "Site navigation and news items are in 
English only."
" Site navigation and news items in English only"
{COMMENT:  this is grammatically correct, but it is not grammatically parallel 
to the other bulleted items, which are all just noun phrases; to make it a noun 
phrase, just leave off the verb.
REMARQUES:  cette phrase est grammaticalement correcte; mais tout autre objet 
dans cette liste n'est qu'un "Noun Phrase", un groupe nominale.  }
* *
Also P. 14, 2nd part of page, 2nd bullet, "If possible add a list of ICANN 
documents in selected languages to this microsite. . . . ."
"to each microsite"
{ COMMENT:  The word, "each," would be better I think as it more clearly spells 
out what you mean; I leave it to you though as both 'this' and 'each' are 
grammatical here.  REMARQUES: Je prefere le mot, "each". }* * *
SECTION 5.1  Translation Models
P. 15, Second section, first bullet, "Easier to deal with fluctuations in 
workload and to scale in times of high demand."
"Easier to deal with fluctuations in workload and easier to scale in times of 
high demand."
{COMMENT:  I think "to scale" is too far from the word "Easier" for clarity.  
So I inserted a second "easier."}
* *
P. 15, 2nd Paragraph from bottom, "Companies or organizations iwth fluctuating 
requirements for translation or language combinations generally choose to 
outsource translations to external suppliers.  Organizations that need have 
demand for high-volume translations, such as leading software companies . . . "
"Organizations that have a demand for .  . . "
{COMMENT:  "need"?  or "have demand for"?? Choose one; the editor forgot to 
take these alternatives out.  Also we usually say, "have a demand for" though 
it's possible to say this without the article.  REMARQUES:  Il faut choisir ou 
"need" ou "have demand for"  On n'a pas encore choisi.}
* *
P. 15, Last paragraph, "In the open-source community . . . However, considering 
that timing is critical and high quality is key in ICANN translation projects 
it will be a challenge . . ."
"However, considering that timing is critical and high quality is key in ICANN 
translation projects, it will be a challenge . . . "
{ COMMENT:  insert a comma after projects; you left it out!  You need it on 
both sides of the clause that begins with the word, "considering."
REMARQUES:  Vous avez omis le "comma" apres le mot "projects".
* *
P. 15, Last paragraph, last sentence; "besides, the linguistic quality of 
translations might become unpredictable considering that a majority of ICANN 
community members has a technical background."
"a majority of ICANN community members have a technical background."
{REMARQUES:  En anglais, les noms des groupes variees peuvent prendre, 
dependant du sens, ou un verbe au singulaire ou un verbe au pluriel ; au cas ou 
un nom de groupe s'utilise pour indiquer une unite, le substantif indiquant le 
groupe prend un verbe au singulaire; au cas ou un nom de groupe s'utilise pour 
indiquer une collection des individus, dont le centre est l'individu et les 
individus varies, le substantif qui les indique, meme que il est au singulier, 
prend un verb au pluriel!
COMMENT:  In English, nouns for groups (like "majority," "group," "family") can 
be either singular or plural, depending.
Here's the rule:
If we are thinking of the group as just one group, as a single group, then it's 
If we are thinking of a group as a mixture of many people, as a composite of 
members, then it's plural.
For example, if we say, "The family as an institution is changing," we are 
talking about the group, called "the family."  But if we are at a reunion 
somewhere, we can say, "The family are all coming."  That's because we are 
thinking of the family as many individuals, coming from many places.
For the word group itself, I usually use "is;" however, with the article "a," 
parodoxical as it seems, I can say "are" (or "were" or any plural verb; for 
example, "A group of dolphins were swimming around the seacow . . . ")
The word "majority" works this way; "The majority has been reached;" "A 
majority . . . have a technical background."
For statistics, see:
(in the first few entries for each link, I found a preference for "A majority 
have . . ."/
dans les premiers elements a chaque lien, j'ai trouve que l'on prefere dire, "A 
majority have . . .")
* * *
6.3  Resourcing
P. 18, last par; 3rd sentence; "Suppliers who can offer full solutions . . . 
are preferred although it is also possible that individual interpreters are 
contacted . . . "
"will be contacted"
{COMMENT:  I prefer the future; REMARQUES:  je prefere le future ici.}
* *
P. 19, 2nd par, 2nd sentence, "This can then be sent out to potential 
interpretation suppliers by the Translation Coordinator in advance to the 
meeting . . . "
"in advance of the meeting . . . "
{COMMENT:  We do not say "in advance to;" "to advance to [or toward]" means to 
move nearer something REMARQUES:  On ne dit pas en anglais, "in advance to" }
* * *
6.4  Translation Technology
P. 20; 2nd full paragraph, "Without training and customization of the tool and 
some level of standardization of the source text . . . .
we recommend to not invest in further expanding the use of Systran for 
translation of static documents."
"We recommend not investing in further expanding the use of Systran for 
translation of static documents"
{ COMMENT:  you "recommend [SOMEONE] to [DO SOMETHING];" otherwise you would 
not say "recommend to;" you'd say, "we recommend [DOING SOMETHING]," using the 
REMARQUES:  on utilise pas l'infinitif ici par ce qu'il n'y a pas un complement 
d'object indirect du verbe; on utilise au lieu de l'infinitif le participe }
* * *
--C. E. Whitehead

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